Aiden is One! Happy Birthday

Feb 1-16:

Dear Aiden,

First I have to tell you, you are the most amazing, most beautiful, most interesting and the sweetest and smartest little boy in the WORLD. Yes, the world. I love absolutely everything about you (yes, everything!) My heart grows with you each day, and the bigger you get, the more my heart is filled with pride, joy, and love. You are such a sweet little soul and I am so blessed to have you as MY son. Just writing that you are mine, literally makes my eyes fill with tears (happy tears). A year ago, I was bringing home a fragile, tiny baby boy and I was naive and clueless as to what came along with my sweet baby boy. So many changes! I was so scared and nervous. But like all parents, I am learning as I go and I am very proud of how far we have come. You are one year old today. Already one! And at the same time you are only one. One, and you have changed me and my life forever in ways that I never imagined and ways that I will forever be thankful for. You are no longer a baby, but a little boy. My little toddler. You are truly a miracle and a blessing and I will always pray for God to protect and bless you with a healthy and happy life that is full of love.

Now back to the point of this letter….Happy Birthday!  Your dad had to go to work at 6am so he kissed you and whispered Happy Birthday as he blessed you with the sign of the cross. “Awe, Babe! He opened his eyes.” You melted your dad’s heart and all you had to do was open your eyes while he was kissing you goodbye!

I had to leave for work early, before you woke up (very rare!). You were snuggling with me and I held you close and smothered you in birthday kisses while you slept so peacefully. I hated the thought of having to go to work on your first birthday. I am selfish and want to soak up every single second of your life while I can (it truly does go by so fast!). But I had to leave, and before I left, I snapped a birthday shot of you:

It still amazes me that in just a year you developed into a little person! Here is a list of just some of the things I can't get enough of:

You are your own little man now. You are so independent. 

You love being outside and you bang on the front door and groan until we open it for you.

You dance- you will grab furniture and will rock side to side with a giant smile on your face (especially when “Pumped up Kicks” or “Love Song” comes on).

I love how you wave bye-bye and blow kisses. 

You LOVE dogs. Even small pictures of dogs on product packaging on a shelf in a store (you will find it). You point and chant “dog, dog dog!” with such excitement and enthusiasm. If there are multiple dogs, you will point to each one. You even recognize dogs on tv now. 

I love how you open your mouth wide when you clap your hands.

You are so smart! You recognize objects and you know many of them by name and you love to read your books.

I love your little language and all the little sounds you make. You have a sound for when you want to eat (sounds like hiccups), when you are singing yourself to sleep (sounds like humming). You love it when I hum in harmony with you.

You capture the hearts of strangers. Everybody comments on how big you are, how cute you are, how much hair you have, how smart and how social you are.

I love your silly viejitos faces. 

I can wrestle with you and tickle you on your thighs, on your ribs, and daddy always gets you on your neck—and you laugh so hard and squirm around.

I love how you make up games. You have your own silly sense of humor and it cracks us up. It’s safe to say, we “get” you!

You can kick and you can throw balls and you can figure out how to work any toy.

You are outdoorsy, inquisitive, intelligent, and interesting. Smarter, sillier, and sweeter each day. 

Its obvious I love every part of you.
But, most of all, I love your kisses, laughs, and giggles!!

Here's to many more Happy Birthdays! God bless you my sweet little soul. I love you more than words.

Love,
Mama

Photos from your FIRST BIRTHDAY!

What a month so far...mini vacay, emergency surgery....oh my!

Sept 1-16th: My parents came and visited us on Friday and we went to lunch at Nick's. It has a beautiful view of Rockaway beach. As you can see, my dad was checking out the waves and Aiden had his lunch before we left.

The mini-vacay: We started off the month with our first mini vacation. A trip to Santa Cruz over the Labor Day weekend. We packed everything but the kitchen sink as you can see in the picture below. We decided we would see where the trip took us, we had zero plans. We cruised downtown Santa Cruz and stopped in a "learning" toy store where Aiden got to play and pick out a new puppet and recycling truck to take home. Aiden ate a lot of solids, he had avocado and oatmeal at brunch, mangos and peaches for a snack and then some rice cereal with dinner. We were impressed at how much he ate, but then he started vomiting and wouldn't stop from 9pm-midnight. We were freaking out and had Kaiser on the phone until they convinced us it would be better to stay where we were since it was likely a stomach virus. They had a Dr. call us on Sunday to check in, but since he had no fever, and hadn't vomited again, she said that he probably just ate too much food and it overwhelmed his system. He seemed to be doing ok, so we visited the Wharf and Boardwalk before heading to San Jose for Uncle Rod's birthday bbq even though Aiden was sort of fussy and not acting like himself.

Emergency: On Monday, he vomited one time and then on Tuesday he got sick 5 times in a row. I checked his inguinal hernia and it was purple, enormous and it looked incarcerated. We rushed him to the ER in SSF and thus began the worst week of our lives to date. They had us hold him down while the Dr. tried to reduce the hernia. She was unsuccessful and wanted to run labs and get xrays before ordering us an ambulance to take us to SF Kaiser where they have Pediatrics and Surgeons on call. They had us hold him down while they secured an IV (it was horrible watching him be in so much pain, it made me hurt all over). But despite the paid, Aiden managed to flirt with all of the nurses, flashing them his big smile and "talking" to them. Nobody could believe that he was 6 months old. Everyone would gather around him to pinch his cheeks and smile at him. As usual, he drew a crowd of admirers :) When the ambulance arrived, Aiden was asleep. We thought he would stay asleep, but he woke up when we put him on the stretcher and then he stayed awake the entire ride to SF. He was so calm and he just started at this one EMT the entire time. The EMT was laughing and told Aiden that he had never had anyone stare at him for so long and that it was starting to creep him out! They also told him that he was their best and most handsome passenger that they have ever had. At SF, we had 2 doctors try to reduce the hernia again before they called Dr. Lee the Pediatric Surgeon in. It was horrible. I cried so hard as he pushed and pushed. I had never heard Aiden scream like that in my life. It killed me. But once he got it back through, Aiden passed out. Just fell asleep instantly. In total peace, like an Angel. It was freaky, but a huge relief. I was still trying to catch my breath and was wiping tears as Dr. Lee told us he wanted to move his Surgery from the 16th (today) to Friday. He told us that it was unlikely to get incarcerated again before then. After Aiden ate and held it down we went home. He started antibiotics because they found a UTI and then Aiden and I both caught a cold and were sick on Wednesday. I called to ask if surgery was safe and they scheduled a physical for Thursday. Everything was going great until Thursday evening. They cancelled surgery due to the UTI and risk of further infection. Then, Aiden started vomiting again. Martin and I panicked...NO! not again! I looked in his diaper, and yes, it was incarcerated, again. We jumped in the car and headed to SF emergency. Poor Aiden had to endure the same trauma he did on Tuesday. 2 attempts before they had to call Dr. Lee. We got admitted and put on the books for the next day to have his hernia repaired. He finally had surgery at 2pm on Friday by a wonderful and very prestigious, Dr. Farmer. She did a wonderful job and they even hand drew baseballs on his bandages since he was wearing a Giants shirt that day. We got to go home that night after he held down his food. Now, he is doing wonderful, you can barely see any scars or bruising. He is healing great as you can see below. Martin took the week off work to spend time with Aiden after the surgery :)

Dear Aiden, 
Happy Birthday to you, wow, 7 months today! How fast time is flying by. It seems even faster because you are growing so fast and so big! You are wearing 18-24 month old clothing and you are 26 lbs. When I hold you now, you rest your head on my shoulder and you play with my hair. Your feet dangle down to my thighs and I am bear hugging you because you are as long and as wide as my torso. It is insane to me that just 7 months ago you were only 8lbs and 20in.
I am so glad you are doing better. It was so rough at the hospital last week mostly because I love you so much that it physically hurts me to see you in pain and it emotionally destroys me when I can't make you feel better. Just 7 months ago, I was bringing you into this world and I felt so excited and so happy to have you in my arms and I thought I could always keep you safe. But, last week in the hospital, the same one you were born in, I held you and felt helpless. Tears ran down my face uncontrollably as I tried to comfort you. I was scared, worried, and sad. All I could do was hold you and sing to you and pray. I prayed that God would give me strength and that He would take away my worry and keep you safe and take away your pain. And He did. I want you to know that when you hurt, I hurt, but I will always be strong for you and together we can ask God to make things better and He will.

Love,
Momma

Photos from the 12th-16th:

Milestones: Clapping: Aiden can clap on demand! (Sunday 11th) He perfected this in the hospital. We kept saying, "Bravo!" and he would smile real big and clap.


Balance: He is getting so frustrated that he isn't moving yet, but he sure is trying! He can pull himself into the crawling position and will just stare at his hands like...move, dangit! He will now steady himself and will balance his weight with his hands when he is sitting.

Object Permanence: Peek-a-boo! Aiden can participate now. This was his favorite game to play with the nurses. He anticipates when he will see something now. I will stand in front of the hall mirror and before he can see himself, he will start kicking and clapping as he smiles. Then I raise him up so he can see his face in the mirror and he cracks up. So...adorable. It's one of his favorite games. He has also learned how to lean and stick his neck out when something is moving out of his view.

2 sharp bottom teeth help him tear into this broccoli!

Letter to Aiden: Bye Bye Newborn

A-Ball,

I just disassembled your bassinet. The one we used to lay you in when we first brought you home. It has been sitting in the corner of our room now for four months, even though you haven’t fit in it in over two months. I got a little choked up as I pulled the pieces apart. First, I unscrewed the mobile that you used to stare at with your blurry, newborn, grey eyes and it made me remember how your dad and I would desperately try to keep the mobile running for you. You loved the vibrations, music, and lights. So we had to make sure we had all three running to keep you calm. You only “rested” in the bassinet. We couldn’t keep you in there for long because you wanted to be close to us. I think you only slept in there two nights on your own for maybe three or four hours! I always let you sleep next to me, or on me, but when we first brought you home you were so small that I was afraid that I would somehow hurt you so we would lay you in there and would rock the cradle until you fell asleep. Sometimes, I would wake up in a panic, looking for you, only to find that you were in fact safe and sound asleep next to me. Relief would overcome me and I would rub your sweet little head, which at that time was as big as my hand and I would go back to sleep. But other times, my panic attack would last a bit longer because you weren’t next to me and I would have to peek inside the bassinet to find you swaddled and cozy because your Daddy had put you in there after he spent over an hour in the living room playing Cold Play on the iHome until you fell asleep.

Then, I removed the base. We would push the bassinet right up against the bed so that we could peek in every two seconds--not just because we were paranoid or because you were waking up crying to either eat or to be sung to, but because we literally couldn’t  (and still can’t) take our eyes off of you. You are so perfect, so handsome, so adorable, and so amazing. I remember rocking and shushing you. I remember Daddy swaddling and singing to you. And I remember both of us stubbing our toes on the base of that cradle!

I feel like I have been packing up things you have outgrown as quickly as I have been bringing home new things for you to play with. I have packed up loads of clothes and your infant bathtub too. You are no longer my fragile, little newborn. You are my body building infant! As much as I like to reminisce about you being so small and even though it makes me a little sad that it went by so fast—I have to admit I love and am so excited about you growing up. So big, so strong, so happy. You are so playful and curious and you always have the biggest smile. Every stage of your life so far has been more exciting and rewarding than the last.

As I packed up your bassinet, I said goodbye to you being a newborn. I never imagined a baby was such hard work, everyone said it was, but I didn't fully comprehend until you were in my arms. You slept so much, but you ate so much too--every hour! I had never been so challenged physically, mentally, and emotionally (but I would do it over a million times). Well, my sweet angel, it wasn’t easy but it wasn’t unbearable either. There were so many changes that came along with you—things I couldn’t have possibly prepared for, but we did it, we made it to infancy! 

Love, 

Mama

Letter to Aiden (faith and love)

I was reading about my co-worker's journey through open-heart surgery. Her outlook on life is incredible and her faith is unshakable. She is so committed to her faith and she really lives each day genuinely happy and free of fear and worry. When the thoughts started entering her mind that she might not live through the procedure, she thought of writing letters to her children and husband. She thought of saying goodbye, she wanted to share all the words that she had in her heart for everyone she loved. But just as she grabbed her stationary, she felt the Lord's presence, she knew he was there. And, she thought to herself, "why am I fearful now? I need my faith to be strong now more than ever." So she put the pen and paper away, and prayed. She wrote about how she felt his love and even saw "signs" that he was with her and her family the entire time. Her admittance number was 143143 (I love you, I love you), little "signs" like these brought smiles to her loved one's frightened faces. I cried as I read her letter (she sent it out to the entire company). She even sent out her daughter's blog post, which also made me cry. Not because I was sad, but because I was touched by her (and her family's) faithfulness, devotion and love for God and each other. It inspired me to research some psalms to remind me, each day, to practice faith, show my love, and to let-go of worry. She wrote about lessons she learned and I included some of them below. Each day is a gift and as I prepare to be a mom myself, I want to be able to share God's love with my son and instill in him the positive outlook, faithfulness, devotion and love that she practices and shares with her family.

Fear is the absence of Faith-- "So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10

"Trust in the LORD with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding." Proverbs 3:5

'Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.' John 14:27.

Worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow, it empties today of its strength. --"Don't worry about anything instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. If you do this, you will experience God's peace, which is far more wonderful than the human mind can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6-7

"Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world." John 16:33

"The LORD is my light and my salvation - so why should I be afraid? The LORD protects me from danger - so why should I tremble." Psalm 27:1

"Trust me in your times of trouble, and I will rescue you, and you will give me glory." Psalm 50:15

Set your worries and troubles aside, God will provide. -- "Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about what happens to you." 1 Peter 5:7

"Give your burdens to the LORD, and he will take care of you. He will not permit the godly to slip and fall." Psalm 55:22

"God is our refuge and strength, always ready to help in times of trouble. So we will not fear, even if earthquakes come and the mountains crumble into the sea." Psalm 46:1-2

"They do not fear bad news; they confidently trust the LORD to care for them." Psalm 112:7

"I am leaving you with a gift - peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give isn't like the peace the world gives. So don't be troubled or afraid." John 14:27

Someone once wrote, "Worry is an old man with a bent head, carrying a load of feathers he thinks is lead." --"Can all your worries add a single moment to your life? Of course not...Your heavenly Father already knows your needs, and he will give you all you need from day to day if you live for him and make the Kingdom of God your primary concern. So don't worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today's trouble is enough for today." Matthew 6: 27-30, 32-34

"Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle, and you will find rest for your souls." Matthew 11:28-29

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." James 1:2-4

"We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they are good for us - they help us learn to endure. And endurance develops strength of character in us, and character strengthens our confident expectation of salvation." Romans 5:3-4

"So be truly glad! There is wonderful joy ahead, even though it is necessary for you to endure many trials for a while. These trials are only to test your faith, to show that it is strong and pure. It is being tested as fire tests and purifies gold - and your faith is far more precious to God than mere gold. So if your faith remains strong after being tried by fiery trials, it will bring you much praise and glory and honor on the day when Jesus Christ is revealed to the whole world." 1 Peter 1:6-7

My sweet Aiden,

When you feel overwhelmed, fearful, or worried, you can look back on these words for comfort, faith, and strength. I hope you have a strong relationship with God. That you keep him close to your heart and that you follow the Lord’s example as you move through life. When you are scared, I hope you pray to him. When you need strength, I hope you hear his voice, for he (like me) will always be there for you. Life is what you make of it and your attitude towards it will determine your happiness. Aiden, I hope that I can provide you with everything that you need in order to make your life full of opportunities, happiness and most of all love. Your Daddy and I love listening to the Beatles, especially after we watched the musical, “Across the Universe.” He sent me flowers one day with a card that included one of their lyrics, “Love is all we need. Love is all we ever need. I love you, Martin.” I still treasure the note and the sentiment because it is so true, love is all we need and we get it from family, God, and our friends. Love always remains. My hopes for you are; that you trust in God and yourself, that you follow your heart and stay true to yourself, that you are a loyal friend and that you grow into a good man. I’m not worried that my aspirations for you are unattainable; you have a wonderful example to learn from, a wonderful man—your Dad.  

All my love,
Mommy

Letter to Aiden

Dear Aiden,

This Friday, I will be 7 months pregnant! It is exciting but scary at the same time to know you will be in here in just two months. We're scrambling to get as much done as possible before you get here. Your Grandpa has been working so hard on our house in preparation for you. He has transformed our house into a home. Great Grandpa textured all the walls for us and Grandma has been helping too; she painted every room. Great Grandma Toddy, Auntie Bri, and Uncle Chris have been helping too and they are already spoiling you rotten! Right now, the floors are getting done so that we can finally buy furniture and put your room together.

Your daddy is already day dreaming of you. I saw him in your room last night just looking around with a big grin on his face. When he caught my eye he said, “I’m just picturing his room and imagining it all done with little Aiden in it.” A couple of nights ago, he told me that he can already see you crawling around the living room floor while he watches football with Ricky. He dreams about you too. Sometimes he will wake up, kiss me on the cheek and will say, “I had dreams of Aiden last night, he looked so cute.” You are so real to him now, especially now that he can feel you moving. I grabbed his hand on Saturday morning. You were kicking me really hard, non-stop from 7-8am! We were half awake anyway, excited for your baby shower that was happening that afternoon. I pulled your dad’s hand over to my belly. You usually stop kicking the second I get his hand there, but this time you didn’t. You gave him a swift kick and I felt him jolt with surprise, “Whoa! He wants out!” I rolled over and saw his expression of sheer joy and utter surprise and couldn’t help but laugh.

Its incredible feeling you move. When I first felt you, you were about 16 weeks. Then, it was only a slight flutter. Almost like feeling a muted heartbeat in my belly. But now, I can feel you turning and hiccuping and even kicking. You are so active and I love feeling you move. I rub my belly and talk to you until you settle back down. Your development has been right on time. Every week we read about how our baby should be developing, and you are always on schedule. It’s comforting. Comforting, because I already feel so connected to you and protective of you and it feels good to know that you are healthy and developing properly. I have had a few times when I panicked. When I was only 6 weeks, I noticed some slight bleeding. I burst into tears as I dialed the hospital. I was scared to death. I called your dad, my mom and the nurses. Finally, the Dr. called me and told me it was completely normal and not to worry—relief overcame me in waves and tears ran down my face as a smile quickly appeared “Thank you God,” I whispered as I hung up the phone. Or when I felt a sharp pain, like I did when you were 18 weeks. I rushed to the hospital, only to find out that you were perfectly fine, you were just positioned in a place that caused ME pain. I was so relieved, I told the Dr. “He can cause me whatever pain he wants, as long as he is ok.” It was then that I realized how much you have already changed me and how much I already love you.

Just like your daddy, I find myself daydreaming of you all the time. I think about what kind of parents we will be and how things are going to be so different from now on. Different in a way that I am so excited for! Last night, I realized this will be the last Christmas your daddy and I will spend alone. It wasn’t a sad thought; it was a happy one, to be reminded that our lives will be forever changed in just two months. You will soon be with us making our lives even more meaningful and blessed. I also realized that other feelings like boredom is something I will not be feeling for a long time—at least until you hit your teens and start spending more time away from home. Having you growing up in front of us is going to make even a Tuesday night at home an adventure.

Almost every other second I picture what you will look like (usually, you look like a mini-daddy when I think of you--cute dark haired, dark eyed, tall and all smiles). I picture you saying your first words, taking your first steps, riding your bike, constructing forts throughout the house, throwing the ball for Tigre and Ruthie, running on the beach. I can hear you saying your prayers before you go to sleep.  I picture you holding your grandpa and grandma’s hands as you go hiking with them. I imagine you coming home and telling me what you learned in school, and staying up all night with you while you cram for a test or try to finish a report. I picture you and your dad getting decked out in Giants gear to head to the game with your Auntie Bri and uncles. I imagine you running up to me with critters in your hands that your Uncle Chris gave you, “Can we keep them?!” I can see you backing your dad’s Corvette out of the driveway to pick up your prom date. I imagine you applying to colleges and coming home to tell me that you are in love and getting married. Thinking about it makes me start to cry (mostly, because I'm hormonal!). You are still developing into a baby but my mind has already begun thinking about you growing up into a man. And as quickly as the thoughts rush through my head before you are even here, I know that I am not too far off, that pretty soon you will grow right before my eyes turning from a beautiful baby boy to a handsome man and I will be wondering where my baby Aiden went. I told your dad that I had literally imagined your entire life and thought of you getting married, and before I could tell him that I got ahead of myself and that we haven’t even “met” you yet, he smiled at me and said, “It's true, it will all happen before you know it.” And it will. Life moves so fast and I can’t wait to enjoy every bit of yours with you.

Love,

Mommy