I just disassembled your bassinet. The one we used to lay you in when we first brought you home. It has been sitting in the corner of our room now for four months, even though you haven’t fit in it in over two months. I got a little choked up as I pulled the pieces apart. First, I unscrewed the mobile that you used to stare at with your blurry, newborn, grey eyes and it made me remember how your dad and I would desperately try to keep the mobile running for you. You loved the vibrations, music, and lights. So we had to make sure we had all three running to keep you calm. You only “rested” in the bassinet. We couldn’t keep you in there for long because you wanted to be close to us. I think you only slept in there two nights on your own for maybe three or four hours! I always let you sleep next to me, or on me, but when we first brought you home you were so small that I was afraid that I would somehow hurt you so we would lay you in there and would rock the cradle until you fell asleep. Sometimes, I would wake up in a panic, looking for you, only to find that you were in fact safe and sound asleep next to me. Relief would overcome me and I would rub your sweet little head, which at that time was as big as my hand and I would go back to sleep. But other times, my panic attack would last a bit longer because you weren’t next to me and I would have to peek inside the bassinet to find you swaddled and cozy because your Daddy had put you in there after he spent over an hour in the living room playing Cold Play on the iHome until you fell asleep.
Then, I removed the base. We would push the bassinet right up against the bed so that we could peek in every two seconds--not just because we were paranoid or because you were waking up crying to either eat or to be sung to, but because we literally couldn’t (and still can’t) take our eyes off of you. You are so perfect, so handsome, so adorable, and so amazing. I remember rocking and shushing you. I remember Daddy swaddling and singing to you. And I remember both of us stubbing our toes on the base of that cradle!
I feel like I have been packing up things you have outgrown as quickly as I have been bringing home new things for you to play with. I have packed up loads of clothes and your infant bathtub too. You are no longer my fragile, little newborn. You are my body building infant! As much as I like to reminisce about you being so small and even though it makes me a little sad that it went by so fast—I have to admit I love and am so excited about you growing up. So big, so strong, so happy. You are so playful and curious and you always have the biggest smile. Every stage of your life so far has been more exciting and rewarding than the last.
As I packed up your bassinet, I said goodbye to you being a newborn. I never imagined a baby was such hard work, everyone said it was, but I didn't fully comprehend until you were in my arms. You slept so much, but you ate so much too--every hour! I had never been so challenged physically, mentally, and emotionally (but I would do it over a million times). Well, my sweet angel, it wasn’t easy but it wasn’t unbearable either. There were so many changes that came along with you—things I couldn’t have possibly prepared for, but we did it, we made it to infancy!
Love,
Mama
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